Make it Through the Darkness

It is very strange to me the distance between the things we used to love. Last evening there were a few friends present at my house-and it is very strange the things we hold on to, and how now things have no place in our life anymore and how once people that we connected with no longer have a connection. I find it so strange that spirits can stay connected throughout lifetimes into eternity and that there are some that we meet and feel so overwhelmed by their presence and are able to make an awesome friendship and then they let you down over and over again...

We become so consumed in our own day to day activities and acts of selfishness, I am so guilty of this.

I encountered a very well written movie-well it had a strong point over how a murder's mind may work. A boy absorbs sadness within people. He sees the sadness in people, and isn't able to take it. The character had such an amazing perspective about life and people. Eventually the boy kills a boy because he wanted to end the victim's sadness.

Each day is becoming less and less stressful, more calm and relaxed with the people I interact with. Or I am becoming so withdrawn and consumed in my own selfishness that i am unable to connect and interact with the things that I love.

Change is in order and I am not sure if i have the skill to overcome this or remain the same.

God has shown me a lot of things lately-through dreams. There is so much good in people, but it is very deep down and humans are so afraid to expose this to the world, and if we do it is in the smallest doses. It is easier to just be cold and mean to the world, to do more worse than good. It is easier to explore blame on the devil for reasons of why we do these things, and really just we are all weak and give into the needs of our flesh more than our souls.

With this in mind I have a little bit of a better understanding of people and myself. Other things He has shown me-that regardless of what is to come as much as a love my life, there is something worth living for worth fighting for. As long as I don't let what the world has programed into me of what is right and wrong, and live by what Jesus taught, the world I may leave-will only be better. This constant pull within myself, will no longer pull and their will be peace within myself.

The movie i watched yesterday really hit on some key points-and I would have to add it to my all time favorites because of the realities it covered and how things changed.

The time we spend in tears and prayer will not change what has happened. Although it makes us feel better, to express those tears, and let our emotions out. The prayers is to ask for help to be able to have forgiveness from those that were involved and make it through the time our sorrow.

I hope this make sense i am still doped up on caffeine.

I do not want any part in this, no piece of it to touch my being.
The fact is, no facts at all. We have been loaded full of...Useless
The knowledge that is coming forth through speakers of TV screens and speakers
is leading belief in nothing. our ignorance breeds an attitude of not effecting me
A distance-a belief-of never effecting me-we have collided with a bigger wave of
effecting everyone.
Dollars to tax, tax to salary, salary still would feed to urge of survival.

A better life to serve or in essence of one to protect,
as chicken shit weapons explode destroying bodies,
our sisters and bothers
the spirit is to survive and make it back
to remain
to continue to exist-the will-I thrive
Our parts our small
particles of uselessness to aid in one bloody mess
that consumes us all.