it has been a good while since I have updated this silly little blog. There hasn't really been anything going on, or and changes in my normal routine, which would leave me with nothing to talk about on here.

Each morning I have to tell myself to stay postive and not bite anyone's head off. It isn't working at all, well a little bit-i try to be pleasent and lessen my hate.

I havn't been using the gym very much this week-it just seesm like everyday is different and requires different needs mentally, and all i want to do is lay in my bed and be lazy, extremely lazy. but tonight i am going to lift and then ill run on the treadmill for a long time, and call it a night, i like the sound of this.

i saw the worst sand strom of my life the other day, well it was more of a dust storm. IT was discusting, you couldn't see 20 feet in front of you, and your hair, clothing, and glasses were coated in dust, almost like a day at the beach, but there is no beach here, nothing wonderful about here, except I am one day closer to leaving.

I have been thinking of trying to do a photo essay about something but what? Mr. Graves adventures-i should get back to that project, I have to come up with about 180 more pictures of hime doing different things, I just do not have the brightest ideas right now.

spending money

spending money is so much fun!

I bought this kick ass mug for beer-it may be attached at my hip when i return home.

Also bought some other crap to entertain me here.

In the photography arena of purchases-I bought a fisheye lense, i saw a price i could resist from a decent camera company. 10mm/2.8 fisheye lense by sigma is now mine. Something amazing for when i get home.

Also-begining to build up the film collection.

Model#: 190220
Products Name: Arista EDU Ultra B&W 200 iso 120 size
Unit Price: 2.39 Qty: 10

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Model#: 190242
Products Name: Arista EDU Ultra B&W 200 iso 35mm x 24 exp.
Unit Price: 1.99 Qty: 20

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Model#: 02300418
Products Name: Fujicolor Pro 400H 400 iso iso 120 size - 5 roll Pro Pack
Unit Price: 18.99 Qty: 1

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Model#: 8314098
Products Name: Kodak Ektar 100 120 size - 5 Roll Pro Pack
Unit Price: 17.99 Qty: 1

next pay check I am going to get tripod plates and 100bucks worth infa red 120 film that equals-10 rolls. maybe ill get the expired stuffs.

i have 4 new cigars on their way to me, yoga blocks, and sport bras-yes life is sweet.

That is all for now.

go your own way rid lies burn the stitches that held your eyes shut vacate and wonder rid time take off reminders and strive to shine you said you've got it and i believe that you've got it and that you'll survive our hearts have exchanged the gifts that carry us over the walls that blind us the walls that bind us the walls that stand too tall to conquer alone bring back your wisdom to trade bring back the words you've saved teach me so that i may teach on we reach we learn we don't we burn on the inside as well as the out we search to solve how to not dissolve on the inside as well as the out so you're at war with yourself with space and time you'll find a breakthrough if you don't lose what's real you have our blessing clear your conscience and ride away
___

even though you won't see what i'm seeing i would love for you to feel what i'm feeling- the impact and the ease after rest assured the pain will fade right outside the inspiration is told i'll carry on what i know that is what i need for my sickness- a transition to new medium breakaway from the world and stick to rhythm rest assured the pain will fade if i don't walk blindside i'll roll right if i hold sight i'll roll right i'm sure we see that same way just not from the same place i need a medium i need a balance

__

This past weekend was fantastic-I feel so alive and happy, I am still rocking out such a good feeling.

On saturday morning justin and I packed the dogs and the car and headed to Oakland Maryland. Our orginal plan was to visit the waterfalls in maryland-then head down to Davis, West Virgina to see blackwater falls. The first time we visited black waterfalls, I had no idea how to take pictures of waterfalls, the use of a tripod or slow shutter speed. We decided to stop at Ohiopyle on the way back instead. So I saw muddy creek falls, shallow falls (upper and lower) and toliver falls (upper and lower). On sunday we viewed the waterslides and cucumber falls. I can't wait to get into editing those-because their was nine times as much water and the furry was so intense.

After we got back, I uploaded my photos and had fun watching them on the wii.

I went for a three mile run, and damnit i am out of shape. I went running with a friend, and he is in great shape. My legs hurt a little bit, and i am hoping by tomorrow they will be okay, for another three mile style run!

I have drill this weekend, it sucks, i wish i never had drill again. I would like very much to go visit more waterfalls, and take more pictures.

our goal for this week: master three miles. get the house in order for when chris moves in. mix chemicals and dark proof the basement. develop film and scan it to the computer to mess around with photoshop. I have 28 roles of film to shoot, right now 6 to develop.

the third weekend in june justin and i are going on a little trip in new york to the zoar valley to see 12 waterfalls, and then explore chatagqua (sp), we thought we would bored the dogs and drive back and forth and stay at my parents. Mini vactions ROCK!

Make it Through the Darkness

It is very strange to me the distance between the things we used to love. Last evening there were a few friends present at my house-and it is very strange the things we hold on to, and how now things have no place in our life anymore and how once people that we connected with no longer have a connection. I find it so strange that spirits can stay connected throughout lifetimes into eternity and that there are some that we meet and feel so overwhelmed by their presence and are able to make an awesome friendship and then they let you down over and over again...

We become so consumed in our own day to day activities and acts of selfishness, I am so guilty of this.

I encountered a very well written movie-well it had a strong point over how a murder's mind may work. A boy absorbs sadness within people. He sees the sadness in people, and isn't able to take it. The character had such an amazing perspective about life and people. Eventually the boy kills a boy because he wanted to end the victim's sadness.

Each day is becoming less and less stressful, more calm and relaxed with the people I interact with. Or I am becoming so withdrawn and consumed in my own selfishness that i am unable to connect and interact with the things that I love.

Change is in order and I am not sure if i have the skill to overcome this or remain the same.

God has shown me a lot of things lately-through dreams. There is so much good in people, but it is very deep down and humans are so afraid to expose this to the world, and if we do it is in the smallest doses. It is easier to just be cold and mean to the world, to do more worse than good. It is easier to explore blame on the devil for reasons of why we do these things, and really just we are all weak and give into the needs of our flesh more than our souls.

With this in mind I have a little bit of a better understanding of people and myself. Other things He has shown me-that regardless of what is to come as much as a love my life, there is something worth living for worth fighting for. As long as I don't let what the world has programed into me of what is right and wrong, and live by what Jesus taught, the world I may leave-will only be better. This constant pull within myself, will no longer pull and their will be peace within myself.

The movie i watched yesterday really hit on some key points-and I would have to add it to my all time favorites because of the realities it covered and how things changed.

The time we spend in tears and prayer will not change what has happened. Although it makes us feel better, to express those tears, and let our emotions out. The prayers is to ask for help to be able to have forgiveness from those that were involved and make it through the time our sorrow.

I hope this make sense i am still doped up on caffeine.

I do not want any part in this, no piece of it to touch my being.
The fact is, no facts at all. We have been loaded full of...Useless
The knowledge that is coming forth through speakers of TV screens and speakers
is leading belief in nothing. our ignorance breeds an attitude of not effecting me
A distance-a belief-of never effecting me-we have collided with a bigger wave of
effecting everyone.
Dollars to tax, tax to salary, salary still would feed to urge of survival.

A better life to serve or in essence of one to protect,
as chicken shit weapons explode destroying bodies,
our sisters and bothers
the spirit is to survive and make it back
to remain
to continue to exist-the will-I thrive
Our parts our small
particles of uselessness to aid in one bloody mess
that consumes us all.

Exciting movement in the day.

When I was in Houston, TX visiting my friend Kim-she has really gotten into biking-well more triathlon's. There was even a clinic going on for training for them in the area we visited. By the way the nastiest beach i have ever seen. There were lots of beautiful carbon frame bikes. On the way back we even looked at bikes at Sun and Ski, similiar to REI. I road one in the store, a 2005 model of a light framed (aluminm). When i lifted it, I thought to myself wow i curl more than this bike weighs. That night I consumed lots of wine and looked at bikes online, and it boiled down to I am not going to drop 1500-2000 on a bike. Plus with the carbon frame if i fall which i do alot then, shoot My bike could become fractured and straight useless. Also, I am not going to be doing triathlon's just riding around pittsburgh. I decided on getting a Road Bike, since I am a bit more comfortable with those type of handle bars and the postion. Also, I found a frame with the components that wieghs 19.5 pounds-I hope it is awesome. It arrives today from Houston actually. I am very excited to assemble it and hopefully take it on a little stroll.